the extra in the ordinary

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I ask a lot of questions, and I'm looking for the answers.
Work in progress ♥

21. Striving Muslim. Food-loving Malaysian, naturally. Hopeless romantic. When I'm bored/stressed, I go online shopping - for books.

Friday, June 13, 2014

QUOTS MAN JUST ASDFGHJKL


Watson: Do you think we're cut off from the world? You know, neither of us dates, neither of us really goes out much. At all, actually.

Sherlock: We're not cut off from the world. We're engaged in creating one that's actually worth living in, one that addresses our needs entirely and eliminates everything extraneous.

I've lived most of my life with the firm conviction that romantic love is a delusion. It's a futile hedge against the existential terror that is our own singularity. Then I met someone that calls herself Irene Adler, and that forced me to reexamine those convictions. She, of course, turned out to be a criminal.

Watson: Never really discussed how that made you feel.

Sherlock: I feel liberated. I am, now and forever, post-love. And, as such, I'm free to pursue a life of meaning. 
-Elementary, Season 2, Episode 3, We Are Everyone
Much relatable. That is all.
Back to exams yo.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Live update la konon

Slept really. Hahahaha.

But hey, a couple of hundred words left. Go go Nadiah.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Live blogging #2

Stuck on my essay. Effect of coming down from my caffeine high. Drank a tumbler or green tea and a cup of mocha right after that, within a few hours tonight. Very smart, Nadiah. Your kidneys will love you in twenty years, if I even get there.

Read through all the necessary articles. For the millionth time. Closed the ones I don't feel relevant to the criteria. Again. Maybe I should just go straight to reflection first? Get my writing juices running? We'll see.

Think I have a general sense of the direction of it.


Live blogging #1

Was deep in my opening prayers for a long study sesh. Saw a fly on my leg. Immediately slapped it.
Nope, didn't think I'd slap my own self and feel the numbing pain later.

#whatnad #whateven

Live blogging

This is my sorry attempt to replace a Twitter with a blog. Planning an all-nighter tonight. 2000 words due by Tuesday and insya Allah, I only have 1000 words left.

Obviously at 10PM on a Friday night, I keep questioning in what rational sense did I manage to decide to watch 2/3 episodes of Dexter?

But that's another story.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I miss editing

Those sleepless nights on Photoshop, to the last detail. Fun escape!


Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Society and Health

I hope you fail often so that you often have things worth learning
I Wrote This For You. 
Apparently, I am allergic to my own crying?

You know what happened, Nadiah. Saying it again doesn't change anything. It's how you navigate through the sadness, eh?

Cantiknya wei susunan Allah swt.

Semalam, I knew the results were out. eMed, being the birth child of classic trolling Medfac, wasn't working. So, I held my curiousity off. (No one could gain access until today, anyway.) So, there was that normal feeling - my fingers were shaking and cold, my thoughts numb from anticipation - and yet, after it passed, I felt horribly calm.

Maybe calm isn't the right word. It was more of resigning to whatever Allah swt has put out for me. Still, thinking I could cram in one last miracle, I decided to watch Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan's YouTube videos: The Quran's Remedy for Sadness. Incidentally, I was talking to a friend who says he's depressed and I'm even doing an assignment on the topic of depression.


It was a long, refreshing two hours too. Well, it took me the whole of last night when you throw in occasionally WhatsApp replies, Facebook timeline scan and normal housemates banter. I even stopped halfway at one point, realizing I was listening to such a good talk and I wasn't taking any notes. What else was I to do? Grabbed a paper, I started to scribble religiously.

And it helped.
Who knew? Who knew but the All-Knowing?

That I would have needed the remedies given for today.

That the first thing I thought of upon reading 40.1 was:

Be grateful.
Be grateful.
Be grateful.

I cried, obviously. Oh, that brings back to our opening sentence, eh? I cried and cried - might have called my younger brother and mom in between - until it hurt and felt like a harrowing case of sinusitis coming on. My face just felt sore and it was especially at my sinuses.

Crying AND sinusitis-like symptoms without any preceeding causes?



Yeah. So, we'll see how it goes.

You prayed for the best, Nadiah. So whatever you get is the best, whether you like it or not, whether you realize it or not. So, focus on what you have and not what you have lost.

P/S: Silly thoughts I made up to make myself feel better...

1. SH was pretty hard. I'm sure they'll lower down the passing mark! I have a chance!
2. If I do repeat and that's a complicated business, that means I'll study longer and who am I gonna get married to now? With my already non-existent chances? Hahahaha.

Yours,
Nadiah x

Monday, March 17, 2014

Communicate, communicate, communicate


It's so hard to find an interviewee. Why? Why did I even choose to do comms assignment when I think that it's a bit of a tricky course - SH?

I CRY NOW.

So hard to approach people and ask. Because like, that just involves a lot of explanation to do.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Miles to go

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Back in Sydney for exactly ten days now. Home alone, currently. The only housemate who had moved in already went off on a trip to Gold Coast this morning.

It's nice, being alone. I'm sure I'll be restless by tomorrow but for now, despite the very sunny weather that beckons me to outside, I'm okay.

Always okay.

A few days in Sydney, I received news that my maternal grandmother passed away. May Allah swt bless her soul. I felt - well, I don't know. First, it was guilt. I was supposed to see her one last time before flying off but somehow, I just didn't. Then, I felt like a horrible granddaughter.

Passing the shock, I was at loss because I didn't feel sad. Is that bad? Ya Allah, the turner of hearts. Death should make you feel something. I felt something but purely due to selfish reasons. I wasn't sad for her.

Penyakit hati ada tiga dan yang paling teruk adalah hati yang mati.
:(

Just. Yeah, those are pretty much what's been going around in my head.

Oh, of course, the anxiety to begin my second year in Medicine. That's like, nothing new, eh? Thus, the quote above.

I like it. The woods feel like somewhere I'd go when I want to give up but I have promises that I made to myself to keep. So, I still need to go on, miles to go, before I sleep.


إن شاء الله

With the Almighty's permission.

Toodles.
Salam.
Peace be upon you ♥

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Oh

I was still steaming about it today.

And the one moment I chose to tell about everything to my brother, he immediately stopped it and said, 'You do know what you're telling me is not a good thing, right?'

He was right. There is no way for me to justify what have happened. I always prided myself to focus on the solution instead of the problem. That's why I never really explained what was going on to anyone except for when he urged me to. I felt like I needed to tell someone just so I can play victim. Why on earth would someone do that?

So, I stopped and thought better of it.

Not feeling good the past few days, I realized one thing that made me feel slightly better. Relieved, even.

You can only let go when you think that there is something bigger in this world than what has been happening in your life. Which is, really, amazing. Because then, every little thing would seem trivial in the bigger picture of things.

This is water. This is water.

May Allah swt bless.